I am back at it again. I guess I love my online diary. I don't know what I am thinking, whether I understand it and if I am writing down what I am thinking actually. But it takes all the pain to digest whatever I've blurted out. Isn' that great that you have a confidante which will take all the pain to hear you out without saying a word or arguing over nothings. I don't know if these are acts of a lunatic but as far as I understand myself, I don't think I've yet transcended the boundaries to become one. You see, I am still writing here; I am not yet chained so that I kill myself. But how long is what I am trying to understand. Everyday, something triggers the timer inside me a little more and then I grow a little more impatient to break free. If you are thinking that I am being suicidal, please don't be so optimistic about it. I am just tired of living inside this skin which is so infested with blood-sucking bugs. I mean I am just 25 and I feel like I've lived a century. What next! Isn't that the question before everyone. Managers trying to become senior managers, AVPs trying to become CEOs, Small time politians trying to become presidents, young executives trying to be the next big thing on the front page of TIME, Oh man, com'n give me a break...

Sometimes I feel that Kurt Kobain felt the same way. He could no longer took people's affection a normal person would. How can you keep living upto lame expectations knowing that your potential is so radically different and more than what is being projected right now. Why can't people just accept the simple fact that you need to be treated a little differently because you are not like everyone. Everytime I walk around the people, I see so much enthusiasm inside them for invading other's private space. For what? I don't know. The more I try to know is the more I try to throw myself out of a top floor window of a 28 floor building. Those few seconds of liberation would be so wonderful; wouldn't it be?

But even I have to dream, I have to be numb in order to feed my lungs with a dash of fresh air. For how long, I don't know but the clock is ticking. I am not gonna be long here where I am right now. People don't understand me anymore & I don't understand them. So probably, someday I will walk away again for a few days; to find out something I left somewhere...