Hey DJ

Back To Blogging After A Long Time.

It has been a long long time that I have written anything in this public diary of mine. Looking back at the events of last few weeks, I have a lot of tales to write about. But let's see how my are acutally penned down.

Quite a few days ago, I was thinking where my life is heading now. I am trying to quite an organization which is giving me back nothing but misery in lieu of my efforts. But whenever I try to bust a move, I fall. So why that?

Am I that sick. Answer is definitely a no.
Am I trying not honestly enough. Probably!
Am I developing some kind of phobia or scared of unkown or something else. DEFINITELY.

So what is it that is ailing me; coming in my way of rise to glory. Let me ask you a question. Have you see the Movie "Rang De Basanti". Okay; so you have. Then you know DJ; Oh that's your favorite character. Or is it Siddharth, the silent hero of the movie (Later the voice of a generation). Whatever...

While DJ was talking to Sue that One day everyone will leave. It will never be the same again; she asked why did he think so. DJ said that everyone he has seen in last few years have gone on to do something. Someone is trying to do MBA; Someone is becoming a space engineer, etc. But he is just too afraid to leave the campus. Life outside is too harsh. The struggles in life make you the same what peple have been for generations; Run of The Mill. Following the societal norms, you tend to forget somewhere what you dreams were, what goals you had set for yourself once. Suddenly your dreams are completely colorless. You just stop being the guy you once were.

I guess I am going through the same phase of life as DJ. (Isn't it so easy imaging yourself as celebrity). When I look back at my past (which I often do when I have nothing to do), I see myself transitioning from one type of person to another; without a protest; without thinking. I am just changing, moulding myself to people's wishes and not fulfulling my own wishes. Somewhere I am suppressing my character so much that it has crying of my being unfair to my very own existence. Isn't it crazy. Yes, I believe so. But I can't help. I am just too scared to come out of the comfort zone that I am these days in. I know I don't like it as much I was a few months ago; but I can't help. I am scared of leaving for a destination which is completely unknown. With a new start becoming somewhat necessesity, I am growing more and more scared of lonelier days ahead. And with my phonebook completely empty of any friend whom I can rely on when I need a shoulder to cry on, I am growing more and more desperate. For what, I can't answer; for I don't know the answer myself.

I just hope that